So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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