Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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