I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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