he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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