My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
