Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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