I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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