so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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