I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize