Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
