I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
