i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
