you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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