but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
