Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
