We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
