Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
