i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
