Please, let me fuck your mom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize