not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
