dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
