I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just googled if crying burns calories
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
