i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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