Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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