I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
