meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
