I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
