The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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