ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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