the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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