i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
