after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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