you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
