If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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