dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
