if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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