Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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