I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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