first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
