when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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