we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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