I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
