its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
