i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
