i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
