Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
