so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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