i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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