Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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