it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
