i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
