i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wear drunk well.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
