Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
