Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
