I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
