We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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