First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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