haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
