She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
