I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
