i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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