The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
