Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
