Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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