I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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