We named our party play list daddy issues
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
