Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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