Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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