I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
