it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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