I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize