how can u be prego again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
