So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
