I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They took my balls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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