quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
