Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
