Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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