The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
