An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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