she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
