I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
