Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
