Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
