Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
