there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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