maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize