Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
