Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
