Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize