K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
