Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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