party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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