the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
