Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
