I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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