like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Your dad touched me again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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