I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
