Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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