1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize