it was like his penis was on wheels.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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