I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
