I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
