I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize